Doc Wade In The House - February 2005


I'm a 31 year old single woman. I feel like a yo-yo, swinging from feeling hot and sexy to feeling guilty about my sexuality. This has caused me so much turmoil in my love relationships. I'm tired of it! Am I the only one? Am I crazy?

Yo-Yo, Oakland, CA


Dear Yo-Yo,
No, you are not alone nor crazy. This is a common problem for women because our society is crazy when it comes to women's sexuality. On the one hand, we are taught that we are supposed to look and act like the sexy models we see in the Victoria Secret ads which no real woman without a portable air brushing device and her own team of makeup artists & stylists on call 24x7 can aspire to. We also get the message that good girls don't. Are you feeling me now? This is a source of conflict for most women. There's only one way out. You have the power to choose my body is my own, my sexuality is my own, and affirm daily I choose to lovingly express my sexuality in a way that leads me to love myself more.


I am married with 2 children, ages 3 and 5. I feel so depressed and lonely although I love my wife and kids. What can I do?
Rick, San Francisco, CA


Dear Rick - aka Dad,

It sounds like there may not be enough time to nurture yourself or express your feelings or needs, standard issue in families with young children. Your only hope is Date Night! You and your spouse must set aside one night a week with a standing baby sitter booked way in advance, and use that time to check in with one another about your feelings and needs and God help you, have some fun. Remember to spend at least 15 minutes a day with your spouse focusing on one another’s feelings in order to stay connected. If you don’t feel better in the next six weeks please get yourself into therapy. Depression is the most treatable of all emotional difficulties and nothing to be ashamed of. In fact you have a lot of company. 80% of all American report feeling depressed periodically.

PS to anyone out there that is feeling depressed: If you have felt like hurting yourself, please call your local suicide prevention hotline immediately. I mean now!